She walks into the room...
A jolt shoots up my spine....
Followed by an involuntary gasp...
My muscles tighten....
Then I blink...
For my eyes cannot fathom such beauty....
She takes another step towards me...
And as if she radiates some unknown force...
The feelings intensify....
Those brown eyes begin to look up...
As millions of thoughts run through my head at the speed of light...
Her eyes stop on me....
My muscles now totally locked...
Then our eyes meet....
This has to be the point were my life flashes before my eyes....
Because my heart is seconds from exploding....
The eyes of the enemy unlock as she makes her way to her seat....
I regain control over my body....
And I remember to exhale...

(A recap of a situation I had yesterday at Yolanda's and Rubien's wedding)

No, I won't....... I can't meet you....... I know too much now..... I no longer trust you not to hurt me..... I no longer trust you to give me what I need..... it's been really hard without you..... and what I need after all this time is much more than you want to give.. ...at least, to me love, affection, passion, respect.... I needed us to be close..... I needed you to feel happy and playful with me..... like young lovers at night.... running and laughing.... hand in hand through the rain we stop, I throw my arms around you you take my face in your hands we exchange the sweetest kisses and hugs that leave me breathless... days we spend at the beach playing in the surf-....... I know, I've rolled the film a thousand times in my head-...... -if this is not what you have in mind, please be advised I will settle for no less..... I will not set myself up to be hurt again.... I love you too much...... I need to be the brightness in your day-.... I need to mean more than nothing.... I used to think it didn't matter if you didn't love me..... but I was wrong... it matters a lot....... Maybe it wouldn't if you had truly tried to be a friend..... rather than just shut me out,..... but I have to protect my poor little battered heart,...... and I must stay far away from you now if I can't have all of yours...
8-18-2004

Sorry I havent updated.. been really busy as of late. Will try to update once a week..still not fully comfortable with this whole "letting people read my writing" thing...But..I Im guessing if I keep doing it, then I'll be more comfortable. :) So... Stay tuned or something....

When I first saw you
You etched yourself onto my brain
Ensuring you would never be forgotten
That all attempts would be in vain
It kinda hurts to know we'll never
Be more than just friends
But you are way outa my league
So I tell myself that’s where it ends
You radiate a beauty so intense
You could probably send signals I'd
Be too stupid to sense
Your beautiful and smart its there for all to see
You have it all that’s why you could never want me
So I'll continue to dream of capturing your heart
Knowing you'll never feel the way I have from the start
Your brown hair and hypnotic eyes
Induce a feeling better than other highs
And as for your smile it sends shivers through me
When I'm with you its like there’s no one I can't be
I need to tell you this but I don’t want to offend
Because I don’t want this poem to mean we cant be friends
So I'll keep my identity secret that way nothing can change


8-1-04

Dont worry about who this is about. :)... If you knew It wouldnt be a secret now would it.

Idle curiosity
I know, every now and then
but it's never more than that
it never lasts
there are far too many
more important people in your life
actually worthy of your precious time...
guess it's good for a chuckle
as you pass by, eh...
if only you knew
how lost I am without you
as lost as your children would be
if you'd suddenly disowned them
as lost as a newborn cub
wandering in the wilderness
as lost as I am
in the labyrinth of life
not knowing which way to turn
you haven't the guts
or the heart
to show yourself
and you know full well
that only you
can make it right
only you
can save me
from that fateful plunge
into the abyss...

but you're just waiting for me to fall...


(This is kinda old....and was never named..dont have a exact date... just late 2000)

month one was the hardest by far,
days were long and nights even longer,
Somehow in the second month
I found it in me to be stronger.

I still thought of you daily from month one to four,
Now In the fifth month I don’t do that anymore.

Month one I didn’t think I could go on without you.
Every single thought was about you.
I cried and cried without relief,
recovery was beyond belief,

In month two I still found myself in tears,
Still found myself living in the past five years,
But days went drom dark to dim in month two,
I found myself waking up and wanting to.

I started to laugh again in month three,
Realizing that this was the best for me.
I came to the conclusion you were gone.
But the pain I felt inside lived on.

In month four the pain started to fade,
I found happiness in the life I made.
Friends kept me busy and running around,
Spent most of month four out on the town.

In month five I feel myself letting go.
Learned to accept all I now know.
I think of you every once in awhile,
Can look back on those years and smile
Month five was how I wanted to be.
I have found a happy and independent me

For Carmensia Tucker....I never knew it could be possible to live without you...But it is for the best.. I wish you the best of luck with your life. Goodbye...

 

What you do not comprehend,
is that we are dying from the moment of birth.
Indeed from the instant of conception,
creation bears within itself,
the seeds of it's own destruction.
Our lives are finite things.
We live our allotted span and are no more.
Regardless of what we may do,
how hard we try,
the best we can hope for,
is a brief delay in the inevitable.